Once upon a time a Girl from Suburbia, Tx. got married and moved to the Urban outskirts of Boston. After a year of bustling City Life, she and her husband moved to Not-Quite-Rural California for job opportunities in last Slightly Urban outpost before the Pacific ocean.
After a year of life in West County they bought a house, which was blessed with Great Potential, and cursed with a Weird Tree* in the front yard.
They pruned the Weird Tree shortly after they took ownership of the house, and then Things Happened and the Tree became Seriously Neglected. Every year the Weird-Fruit Tree grew bigger. It sprouted Weird-Tree Fruit which hung heavily on the branches, occasionally ripping them off. The WTF also dropped into the jasmine below. It rotted, festered and stank.
After two summers of Rotting, Festering and Stinking WTF (and several large branches ripping off the Tree) the couple took action, did some serious pruning, and thinning of the WTF, filling the green bin (yard waste) to the brim.
The Girl from Suburbia looked at the buckets of WTF that had splatted wastefully into the asphalt. After almost four years in West County she had imbibed some of the Local Crazy (and seen the signs for canning materials at the local hardware store), and felt compelled to do something with the WTF.
She searched the internet and came across a recipe for WTF-butter that could be made in her crockpot (she’s got one so she may as well use it, right?)
Six-to-seven pounds of WTF hardly made a dent in the Tree’s bounty, but it was a starting point and what the recipe called for. After an afternoon of peeling and coring, she realized it would not all fit in the crockpot (per the recipes directions), so she ran it through her cuisinart food processor (she’s got one of those too!) and then filled the crockpot to the brim. She liberally modified the recipe, cut back on the sugar, omitted the water entirely (the WTF were quite juicy once they were grated), and switched out the spices for cinnamon and nutmeg (what she had on hand).
After a few hours bubbling away on high she ran it through the food processor again using a different blade, and then simmered it for a few hours in her large cast-iron enamel pot (using all the cool kitchen gadgets!) before ladling it into pints (leftover from a very failed persimmon chutney experiment), and finishing them off in a pot of boiling water.
She offered the pot scrapings to her toddler to sample, he refused. Her husband said he “needed to try it on something” and her babysitter said it was “tasty” and it “would go well over ice-cream” (but she’s also being paid, there might be some bias). She re-named the concoction WTF-Sauce, because the consistency was more like Apple Sauce than Apple Butter.
So tomorrow the Weird-Tree Fruit Sauce is going to go on top of waffles, and if all else fails, when the baby hits six months it will become a staple of his beginning-foods diet. WTF-Sauce and rice cereal.