Demand: I want to be fed NOW NOW NOW!
Supply: Do you have any idea what time it is?
Demand: Time is irrelevant, I must be fed!
Supply: It’s 1:45 in the morning, you were fed less that two hours ago!
Supply gets out of bed and trudges sleepily down the hall.
Once Demand is placed on the changing table his mood changes:
D: Am I not the cutest baby to have ever walked the earth? Look at me as I strike poses that would melt the heart of the meanest dictators.
S: You have a dirty diaper.
D: You are a mean dictator! I am being oppressed! I am a Pod Person! I will wave my arms and kick my legs so you cannot de-pod me, change my diaper (regardless of how nasty it is), and communicate with my mother-ship and the dolphins! Eh-eh-eh-EHH-EHHH! Ech-ech-ECH!
I am a Pod Person!
S: That does not change the fact your diaper is dirty.
Once Demand is changed the setting into the chair.
D: I will now nurse at whim, caressing the breast with my razor sharp finger nails.
S: I will swaddle your arms down.
D: Oh no you won’t! I will refuse to release the nipple. I will gum down and refuse to let go.
After a time Demand pops off the nipple and feigns sleep. Supply puts Demand back in his bassinet and goes back to bed. Demand waits for Supply to settle back into bed and begins to SCREAM.
S: You fell asleep and popped off.
D: I have a BURP of Epic Proportions, this will be followed by an Epic Fart and Very Dirty Diaper and I will Refuse to Cooperate while it is being changed. Then I will demand more food.
Demand is burped, farts and does not cooperate with the diaper change. They settle into the chair once more.
D: I will now get excited and chew my way onto your nipple.
S: You won’t get near it unless you open your mouth wide enough. No chewing.
D: I will scream for the mother-ship and dolphins! Eh-eh-eh-EHH-EHHH! Ech-ech-ECH!
Eventually a decent latch is achieved and nursing continues. After a time, Demand finishes and stares wide awake at Supply.
S: Now for a burp.
D: It will be a Burp of Truly Epic Proportions, and I will spit up everything that I have consumed.
D: Now I have the hiccups.
This continues for another hour or so until Demand has tired himself out to the point he feels the need to sleep for another hour or two.